RELATIONSHIPS – GIVE WHAT YOUR ARE MISSING – Beat the Holiday Blues

Holidays are supposed to be such a happy time – but for many of us it can be a time of loneliness and frustration.  It can be a time when we are overwhelmed with feelings about what we feel is missing in our lives.   There is a way to defeat these thoughts – no matter what is happening in your life.  Here is just how to do it –

  • Make a list of the things you are “missing” in your life.
  • Ask the angels, God or the universe to help you lift your thoughts to a higher and happier vibration.  See you letting the thoughts go – like letting go of a helium balloon.
  • Now, creatively find a way of giving someone a small part of the things you are missing.

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CHRISTMAS PIE and HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU!

You can probably tell that I love pies – just about all kinds.  One reason is because so few people take the time to make them anymore.  Another reason is that the smell and sight of a wonderful just baked dessert reminds most of us of home and happy relationships.  This one has a special memory for me – as my wonderful Mom used to make it every Christmas.
It is pretty with red cranberries, sweet with raisins and rich with cream – and it is easy to make – so try it!
CHRISTMAS CRANBERRY RAISIN PIE
Purchase or prepare pastry for two crust pie
Preheat oven to 400
Fit bottom crust into pie plate – add ingredients in order, evenly in layers, don’t stir.
1 1/4 cups  of fresh or thawed frozen cranberries
1  1/4 cups raisins
1 cup sugar or honey
1 cup whipping cream (unwhipped)
Cover with top crust – it’s pretty if you use cookie cutters and cut out shapes from top crust – overlap cutouts over the top of pie for top crust.  You can brush with milk and sprinkle with sugar, if you want.
Bake at 400 for 10 minutes, lower heat to 350 and bake another 35-40 minutes, until filling is bubbling.  You may lay foil strips  over the edges of pastry to prevent over browning.
Take care of you!  Love and Light, Eve,   AdvisorIsIn.com – click here for personal e-mail advice and Angel Reading – AdvisorIsIn.com/advice and angels.
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RELATIONSHIP TIPS – GETTING YOUR PARTNER’S ATTENTION

Do you feel like no one is listening – that your husband or partner never hears what you say?  I have felt like that sometimes and here are some tips I have learned for really connecting and communicating with your husband or partner.  Note – these tips are about you – because you are the only one that can change your life and increase your own happiness!

First – Make it positive.

In my experience, many women, if they looked at their communication, would be surprised to see how much of their communication is negative – accusations, sarcasm, complaints, and just generally negative comments that they would never have used with their partner before they were married or living together.  This includes non-verbal communication, as well – the silent treatment, withdrawing affection, slamming cupboards, etc.  At one time, I did this until my partner told me he wished he had not come home.   I gradually learned to do better, because I found it made me happier.  I know, I know – your partner may deserve it – and they should be doing more and your anger or negativity may seem justified!  BUT – I am writing this so YOU will be happier – these tips will make you happier!

Second – start appreciating.

I know it might be hard – but a partner who is appreciated wants to hear what you have to say and wants to please you even more!  No matter how you feel – try an experiment for a week.

  • Pause before you say anything and ask yourself if this will add to the peace and comfort you want in your home and relationship.
  • Once every day, find something (there must be some good things you are getting from this relationship?) somehow to give a sincere and heartfelt compliment or specific thank you to your partner.
  • Once every day give some physical affection, a hug, an unexpected kiss, hand squeeze or a touch in passing.

Try it, and you will find that you will have less to say, and your partner will be more receptive to what you really want to share.  You can try the free Mini-Meditation and also purchase a Mini-Meditation about Forgiveness and releasing Worry from Amazon at  AdvisorIsIn.com/Meditations

Next, – Divide your strategy

Ask yourself – Is this something my partner will want to hear?

Yep, they would want to hear it – if they only knew, they would be interested…

Strategy:

  • Find a time when he is not in the middle of something.  Men’s brains don’t allow multi-tasking like women’s do.   So don’t try to talk when he is watching his favorite game or TV show or concentrating on fixing or building something.
  • Don’t talk about important information when he is really tired or already upset.  (How many times I have tried to fix a relationship by insisting on talking when it was clearly a bad time…!)
  • Always, always talk about what YOU would like, what you need, how this or that makes you feel loved, why going there would be fun, why that would make you happy.  Good men want to please you and feel successful when you are pleased and happy.   If this is not true of your partner – you need to re-assess why you are in the relationship – but that’s another newsletter!
  • Never, never talk about what they must do or how they must do it – what they have to do, what they should do, what their mother or mother-in-law expects them to do.  Men generally resist being told what to do – even if it is a superb idea and they might have done it if they thought of it!

Nope, realistically – they will never want to hear this.

  • Ask yourself if discussing the issue will be important a year from now – if not, just let it go – don’t waste your precious time and energy on anything negative.
  • Ask yourself if talking about it will really increase your happiness or their happiness – if not, just let it go, see above.
  • Ask yourself if, even though it might get a negative reaction – is it important for your own wellbeing that you say how you feel?
  • If the issue really will be important a year from now, and you feel you must express something – Pick your time, as noted under “Yep, they would want to hear it…”
  • Pause – feelings come and go, step away for awhile, think about what you really want – to be loved, to be respected, to be treated well.  Make sure what you say will increase your chances of being loved, respected and treated well.  (I hate to think of the times I have spoiled an outing or ruined an evening by bringing up something from the past, or something that wouldn’t really matter to me when I thought about it later.)
  • When you decide what to say – Talk about you, not them i.e.  Use “I” messages – “I feel neglected when you spend all evening at the computer, is there anything we can do about that because I am feeling lonely?” Rather than “You are always on the computer, you obviously think it is more important than me or your kids!”
  • Plan to be clear and stay in the present.  Do not use idle threats, name-calling or anything for which you might later have to apologize.
  • Try what is taught in 12 Step programs – I have never heard a better way.  The slogan is – Say what you mean, mean what you say, and don’t say it mean.

And best wishes to you – I dare you to try these little changes and see if it does not lighten your heart and improve your relationships and communication!

Take care of you!  Love and Light, Eve, AdvisorIsIn.com – click here for personal e-mail advice and Angel Reading – AdvisorIsIn.com/advice and angels.
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