RELATIONSHIP TIPS – GETTING YOUR PARTNER’S ATTENTION

Do you feel like no one is listening – that your husband or partner never hears what you say?  I have felt like that sometimes and here are some tips I have learned for really connecting and communicating with your husband or partner.  Note – these tips are about you – because you are the only one that can change your life and increase your own happiness!

First – Make it positive.

In my experience, many women, if they looked at their communication, would be surprised to see how much of their communication is negative – accusations, sarcasm, complaints, and just generally negative comments that they would never have used with their partner before they were married or living together.  This includes non-verbal communication, as well – the silent treatment, withdrawing affection, slamming cupboards, etc.  At one time, I did this until my partner told me he wished he had not come home.   I gradually learned to do better, because I found it made me happier.  I know, I know – your partner may deserve it – and they should be doing more and your anger or negativity may seem justified!  BUT – I am writing this so YOU will be happier – these tips will make you happier!

Second – start appreciating.

I know it might be hard – but a partner who is appreciated wants to hear what you have to say and wants to please you even more!  No matter how you feel – try an experiment for a week.

  • Pause before you say anything and ask yourself if this will add to the peace and comfort you want in your home and relationship.
  • Once every day, find something (there must be some good things you are getting from this relationship?) somehow to give a sincere and heartfelt compliment or specific thank you to your partner.
  • Once every day give some physical affection, a hug, an unexpected kiss, hand squeeze or a touch in passing.

Try it, and you will find that you will have less to say, and your partner will be more receptive to what you really want to share.  You can try the free Mini-Meditation and also purchase a Mini-Meditation about Forgiveness and releasing Worry from Amazon at  AdvisorIsIn.com/Meditations

Next, – Divide your strategy

Ask yourself – Is this something my partner will want to hear?

Yep, they would want to hear it – if they only knew, they would be interested…

Strategy:

  • Find a time when he is not in the middle of something.  Men’s brains don’t allow multi-tasking like women’s do.   So don’t try to talk when he is watching his favorite game or TV show or concentrating on fixing or building something.
  • Don’t talk about important information when he is really tired or already upset.  (How many times I have tried to fix a relationship by insisting on talking when it was clearly a bad time…!)
  • Always, always talk about what YOU would like, what you need, how this or that makes you feel loved, why going there would be fun, why that would make you happy.  Good men want to please you and feel successful when you are pleased and happy.   If this is not true of your partner – you need to re-assess why you are in the relationship – but that’s another newsletter!
  • Never, never talk about what they must do or how they must do it – what they have to do, what they should do, what their mother or mother-in-law expects them to do.  Men generally resist being told what to do – even if it is a superb idea and they might have done it if they thought of it!

Nope, realistically – they will never want to hear this.

  • Ask yourself if discussing the issue will be important a year from now – if not, just let it go – don’t waste your precious time and energy on anything negative.
  • Ask yourself if talking about it will really increase your happiness or their happiness – if not, just let it go, see above.
  • Ask yourself if, even though it might get a negative reaction – is it important for your own wellbeing that you say how you feel?
  • If the issue really will be important a year from now, and you feel you must express something – Pick your time, as noted under “Yep, they would want to hear it…”
  • Pause – feelings come and go, step away for awhile, think about what you really want – to be loved, to be respected, to be treated well.  Make sure what you say will increase your chances of being loved, respected and treated well.  (I hate to think of the times I have spoiled an outing or ruined an evening by bringing up something from the past, or something that wouldn’t really matter to me when I thought about it later.)
  • When you decide what to say – Talk about you, not them i.e.  Use “I” messages – “I feel neglected when you spend all evening at the computer, is there anything we can do about that because I am feeling lonely?” Rather than “You are always on the computer, you obviously think it is more important than me or your kids!”
  • Plan to be clear and stay in the present.  Do not use idle threats, name-calling or anything for which you might later have to apologize.
  • Try what is taught in 12 Step programs – I have never heard a better way.  The slogan is – Say what you mean, mean what you say, and don’t say it mean.

And best wishes to you – I dare you to try these little changes and see if it does not lighten your heart and improve your relationships and communication!

Take care of you!  Love and Light, Eve, AdvisorIsIn.com – click here for personal e-mail advice and Angel Reading – AdvisorIsIn.com/advice and angels.
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FIX YOUR RELATIONSHIPS – SEE WITH THE EYES OF THE ANGELS

“And now here is my secret, a very simple secret; it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye.” Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Have you ever wondered why it is so hard to consistently accept and love your mate or your children?  It is something that I am sure you want to do – you want to have love in your relationships.  Instead you may often feel critical and wish you could see more than the things the other person is doing that seem wrong or not enough.

When you first met your mate or friend, or when you child was small and sweet – everything was bright and beautiful! You could not wait to spend time with them.  You are both the same person now – what changed?  What changed is – All the hurt feelings, disappointment, judgement and conclusion you have made about each other.

I believe that, unless we ask for help, we see each other through all the past mistakes and failures.  We primarily see each other through a dirty windshield.  The windshield is plastered with all the times the other person didn’t help, all the times they failed, forgot or were unkind or insensitive. Think of trying to see someone through a dirty windshield.  You would not see much but all the unfortunate bugs stuck to the glass.  All those “smashed bugs” are your judgements.

Now you can’t help but notice when things don’t go as you want – and it is very human to have a standard that you feel people should meet in order to be accepted and acceptable. You might ask if there are times when you should hold your standards and stop being friends or in relationship.  I do think there are times when there is unacceptable behavior, and then you may want to forgive the person, and still create some distance or withdraw from a relationship or friendship for your own well-being.

But that is not what most of you face.  You probably have relationships that you don’t want to give up, but that you wish would improve. The “bugs” are not that bad – particularly in light of your own short-comings – and you do want to continue the friendship or loving relationship.  How can you wipe the glass clean and start new?

You can ask the angels to help you forgive all the past and remove all your judgements about your mate or friend.  You can ask for this help every day.  When you do this, you allow yourself to start a new relationship every day.  You have a clean glass and you will begin to more clearly see your friend or partner, the good qualities that attracted you and all the good they bring into your life.

I did this with someone I loved very much, but who I thought was making all the wrong decisions and taking the wrong roads.  I had been giving advice and then feeling hurt when I was rejected.  I stopped reaching out. After all, I had been rejected.  The angels showed me that the other person was hurt by my advice and continual attitude of judgment and criticism.  I was able to change and (mostly) just love the person, provide hugs, praise and affection.  The angels helped me to see the person with an open heart – even if I didn’t agree with their choices at the time.  This healed my relationship in amazing ways and it became stronger than ever.  You can try the free Mini-Meditation and also purchase a Mini-Meditation about Forgiveness at  AdvisorIsIn.com/Meditations

But what if you forgive the past and let go of all the judgements you have made. but your friend, or mate doesn’t do it too?  I have found that it will work for you, either way.  I see relationships like teeter-totters.  If you take a load off your end of the teeter-totter – the other person cannot help but change, as well.  It make take some time for them to adjust to the change in you.  But eventually they will either respond warmly and thankfully to your new lighter, happier attitude, or you will see that the relationship is not in your best interest.

Try this:

  • Make a list of all the judgements and unhappy events you want to release.  Sit quietly and sincerely ask the angels to fill you with light, soften any painful memories and open your heart to see only the good in your partner, friend or child each day.  Tear up the list.
  • Second, ask to be able to see everything that happens in the day with a sense of humor and a light heart.  Ask yourself if it will be important a year from now.
  • With your new open heart – try to give an unexpected compliment or sincere word of praise every day.
  • With your new open heart  – find a way to give unexpected, appropriate physical affection sometime during each day – like a hug or hand squeeze, kiss on the cheek or pat on the shoulder.

If you do this, you will find that you have given your relationships a fix – each of your relationships will begin to seem newer, more loving and more fun.  The love you are giving will come back to you.  It may not come from exactly where you expect it, but it will come – it’s the law of the universe!  Try it – You will be seeing with your heart – seeing with the eyes of the angels!   Eve Picquette,  AdvisorIsIn, Relationship Advice with Heart.  Click here for advice and angel reading and join me on Facebook.

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CONNECTING WITH ANGELS

First, have you ever wondered why your angels didn’t help you with something?   It is because you didn’t ask.  Angels cannot interfere with our free choice, except in emergency situations.  I’ve often thought – “Well, that was a miserable conversation or evening!  Where were my angels when I needed them?”  Then I realize that I didn’t ask for their help.  I didn’t ask for their guidance in saying the right thing, and in seeing others with love and compassion.  So the first thing to do to connect with your angels is to ask the angels for help.

But perhaps you have asked for help and didn’t feel that you received any help.  I have felt that way, too.   What I have found is that if I didn’t feel I received help there were usually two problems with my request:  I was either asking the angels to change someone else to suit my desires or I was asking for something that was not in my best interests.  Let me illustrate:

Asking for Others to Change:

Before I learned better, I believed that if other people and circumstances would change, then I would be happy.  But the angels do not interfere with other people’s personal choices, just to please me.  So I have learned to ask, instead, to receive whatever blessing I want from the best source – even if it is not from the person I would prefer.  For example – one day while on a trip with friends, the men decided to get up early, go out for breakfast and golf, leaving the ladies with the children.  At first we were a little unhappy – we would have liked the men to want to include and treat us.  But no one, not even the angels, would change their minds, particularly if we ladies were feeling angry or neglected.  So we asked ourselves what we were missing.  We wanted to feel like we were free and having fun, too.  Then we asked for help and inspiration to have a great day for ourselves..  The angels inspired us to pack up the children, go out to breakfast ourselves and then to the beach.  We had a marvelous time and our needs for fun and freedom were met.  Because we were happy, we had no unhappy feelings toward our men and didn’t need them to change.

Asking for Specifics

I have also learned that angels know things that we do not know.  In the past, I often asked for very specific things.  I have asked for a certain man to show interest in me.  I have pleaded to get a particular job or to be accepted into a particular school.  When I did not get what I wanted – I let it affect my trust in the angel’s help and guidance.   I didn’t realize that things were always working out for me, even though I did not get what I wanted!  One time I had applied for an attorney position at a hospital that was near my home and where I was sure I was meant to work.  I didn’t get the job and I was disappointed.  Within six months the hospital closed under major ethical and financial issues.  I was so fortunate not to get that job and I got a much better job a few weeks later!  From that I learned to ask for the blessings I want and need, but to trust that the angels know what is best for me and that I do not need to dictate how, when and where I will get that wonderful blessing!      And I asked for the angel’s help in writing this – so Thank You Angels!

You can also try the free Mini-Meditation and also purchase a Mini-Meditation about Forgiveness at  AdvisorIsIn.com/Meditations

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