I want you to remember yourself from before you met your husband. You were a wonderful and loving and lovable person before you met him. You can be that person again. Make a decision to become the best you can be – with or without your husband. When you choose to stay in grief and loss – you actually prevent yourself from growing and becoming the person you are meant to be.
Client Question: Dear AdvisorIsIn – I need help with my relationship. I am worried that my younger, immature boyfriend might leave me because of his family, and everything he does is really upsetting me because of that situation and his irresponsibility.
Answer: One thing I can tell you – you are worthy and lovable. Do not make this relationship so important. Start planning for what you want to do with your own life – with or without him.
Start concentrating on you and how you can look and feel and be the best that you can. Find fun things to do, places to go and things to learn. Buy yourself a new outfit or get a manicure – instead of worrying about what he is doing.
Join something you like and participate. If you just turn your attention to yourself and become the best you can be – spend your time becoming the best, kindest, most fun person you can be – everything will work out.
- Either he will make a decision to be with you and not let his relatives influence him – and he will love the independent you.
- Or, if all your attention is not on him, he will drift away, because he is too immature for you – And it will be OK – because you have made a great life, with or without him.
Client: Thank you for the encouraging words, I hope things turn out the way I would like them to be.
Answer: Just remember – you cannot change anyone else to be who you want them to be. They have free choice to stay just as they are.
But you are worthy of love and attention from someone that is totally loyal to you. Give your boyfriend the freedom to meet your expectations. If this young man cannot do that – you will hurt yourself by holding on to him. If you hold on – you won’t be able to find the man who will be there for you, all the way.
We have to let go of one thing – before we can hold something better. That can be scary, and can make you feel temporarily lost. Work on believing good things about you. Be strong on the inside for you and firmly take care of you – and be soft and kind on the outside. You can try the free Mini-Meditation and also purchase a Mini-Meditation about Forgiveness at AdvisorIsIn.com/Meditations
Ask your angels to give you a sign that you are loved and to let you know that you need to do what is right for you. Take care of you and be the kind of person you would want to be with – and you will make a great life for yourself. In additon, you will attract just the right kind of man for you. This man, or someone better for you. You deserve it!
Your message from the angels is – You must take care of yourself and make sure you are doing what you really want to do – in all of your life. You are not responsible for your boyfriend. You are responsible for taking good care of you.
Love and Light, Eve, AdvisorIsIn.com – click here for personal e-mail advice and Angel Reading – AdvisorIsIn.com/advice and angels.
Have you ever wondered why it is so hard to consistently accept and love your mate or your children? It is something that I am sure you want to do – you want to have love in your relationships. Instead you may often feel critical and wish you could see more than the things the other person is doing that seem wrong or not enough.
When you first met your mate or friend, or when you child was small and sweet – everything was bright and beautiful! You could not wait to spend time with them. You are both the same person now – what changed? What changed is – All the hurt feelings, disappointment, judgement and conclusion you have made about each other.
I believe that, unless we ask for help, we see each other through all the past mistakes and failures. We primarily see each other through a dirty windshield. The windshield is plastered with all the times the other person didn’t help, all the times they failed, forgot or were unkind or insensitive. Think of trying to see someone through a dirty windshield. You would not see much but all the unfortunate bugs stuck to the glass. All those “smashed bugs” are your judgements.
Now you can’t help but notice when things don’t go as you want – and it is very human to have a standard that you feel people should meet in order to be accepted and acceptable. You might ask if there are times when you should hold your standards and stop being friends or in relationship. I do think there are times when there is unacceptable behavior, and then you may want to forgive the person, and still create some distance or withdraw from a relationship or friendship for your own well-being.
But that is not what most of you face. You probably have relationships that you don’t want to give up, but that you wish would improve. The “bugs” are not that bad – particularly in light of your own short-comings – and you do want to continue the friendship or loving relationship. How can you wipe the glass clean and start new?
You can ask the angels to help you forgive all the past and remove all your judgements about your mate or friend. You can ask for this help every day. When you do this, you allow yourself to start a new relationship every day. You have a clean glass and you will begin to more clearly see your friend or partner, the good qualities that attracted you and all the good they bring into your life.
I did this with someone I loved very much, but who I thought was making all the wrong decisions and taking the wrong roads. I had been giving advice and then feeling hurt when I was rejected. I stopped reaching out. After all, I had been rejected. The angels showed me that the other person was hurt by my advice and continual attitude of judgment and criticism. I was able to change and (mostly) just love the person, provide hugs, praise and affection. The angels helped me to see the person with an open heart – even if I didn’t agree with their choices at the time. This healed my relationship in amazing ways and it became stronger than ever. You can try the free Mini-Meditation and also purchase a Mini-Meditation about Forgiveness at AdvisorIsIn.com/Meditations
But what if you forgive the past and let go of all the judgements you have made. but your friend, or mate doesn’t do it too? I have found that it will work for you, either way. I see relationships like teeter-totters. If you take a load off your end of the teeter-totter – the other person cannot help but change, as well. It make take some time for them to adjust to the change in you. But eventually they will either respond warmly and thankfully to your new lighter, happier attitude, or you will see that the relationship is not in your best interest.
- Make a list of all the judgements and unhappy events you want to release. Sit quietly and sincerely ask the angels to fill you with light, soften any painful memories and open your heart to see only the good in your partner, friend or child each day. Tear up the list.
- Second, ask to be able to see everything that happens in the day with a sense of humor and a light heart. Ask yourself if it will be important a year from now.
- With your new open heart – try to give an unexpected compliment or sincere word of praise every day.
- With your new open heart – find a way to give unexpected, appropriate physical affection sometime during each day – like a hug or hand squeeze, kiss on the cheek or pat on the shoulder.
If you do this, you will find that you have given your relationships a fix – each of your relationships will begin to seem newer, more loving and more fun. The love you are giving will come back to you. It may not come from exactly where you expect it, but it will come – it’s the law of the universe! Try it – You will be seeing with your heart – seeing with the eyes of the angels! Eve Picquette, AdvisorIsIn, Relationship Advice with Heart. Click here for advice and angel reading and join me on Facebook.