RELATIONSHIP TIPS – GETTING YOUR PARTNER’S ATTENTION

Do you feel like no one is listening – that your husband or partner never hears what you say?  I have felt like that sometimes and here are some tips I have learned for really connecting and communicating with your husband or partner.  Note – these tips are about you – because you are the only one that can change your life and increase your own happiness!

First – Make it positive.

In my experience, many women, if they looked at their communication, would be surprised to see how much of their communication is negative – accusations, sarcasm, complaints, and just generally negative comments that they would never have used with their partner before they were married or living together.  This includes non-verbal communication, as well – the silent treatment, withdrawing affection, slamming cupboards, etc.  At one time, I did this until my partner told me he wished he had not come home.   I gradually learned to do better, because I found it made me happier.  I know, I know – your partner may deserve it – and they should be doing more and your anger or negativity may seem justified!  BUT – I am writing this so YOU will be happier – these tips will make you happier!

Second – start appreciating.

I know it might be hard – but a partner who is appreciated wants to hear what you have to say and wants to please you even more!  No matter how you feel – try an experiment for a week.

  • Pause before you say anything and ask yourself if this will add to the peace and comfort you want in your home and relationship.
  • Once every day, find something (there must be some good things you are getting from this relationship?) somehow to give a sincere and heartfelt compliment or specific thank you to your partner.
  • Once every day give some physical affection, a hug, an unexpected kiss, hand squeeze or a touch in passing.

Try it, and you will find that you will have less to say, and your partner will be more receptive to what you really want to share.  You can try the free Mini-Meditation and also purchase a Mini-Meditation about Forgiveness and releasing Worry from Amazon at  AdvisorIsIn.com/Meditations

Next, – Divide your strategy

Ask yourself – Is this something my partner will want to hear?

Yep, they would want to hear it – if they only knew, they would be interested…

Strategy:

  • Find a time when he is not in the middle of something.  Men’s brains don’t allow multi-tasking like women’s do.   So don’t try to talk when he is watching his favorite game or TV show or concentrating on fixing or building something.
  • Don’t talk about important information when he is really tired or already upset.  (How many times I have tried to fix a relationship by insisting on talking when it was clearly a bad time…!)
  • Always, always talk about what YOU would like, what you need, how this or that makes you feel loved, why going there would be fun, why that would make you happy.  Good men want to please you and feel successful when you are pleased and happy.   If this is not true of your partner – you need to re-assess why you are in the relationship – but that’s another newsletter!
  • Never, never talk about what they must do or how they must do it – what they have to do, what they should do, what their mother or mother-in-law expects them to do.  Men generally resist being told what to do – even if it is a superb idea and they might have done it if they thought of it!

Nope, realistically – they will never want to hear this.

  • Ask yourself if discussing the issue will be important a year from now – if not, just let it go – don’t waste your precious time and energy on anything negative.
  • Ask yourself if talking about it will really increase your happiness or their happiness – if not, just let it go, see above.
  • Ask yourself if, even though it might get a negative reaction – is it important for your own wellbeing that you say how you feel?
  • If the issue really will be important a year from now, and you feel you must express something – Pick your time, as noted under “Yep, they would want to hear it…”
  • Pause – feelings come and go, step away for awhile, think about what you really want – to be loved, to be respected, to be treated well.  Make sure what you say will increase your chances of being loved, respected and treated well.  (I hate to think of the times I have spoiled an outing or ruined an evening by bringing up something from the past, or something that wouldn’t really matter to me when I thought about it later.)
  • When you decide what to say – Talk about you, not them i.e.  Use “I” messages – “I feel neglected when you spend all evening at the computer, is there anything we can do about that because I am feeling lonely?” Rather than “You are always on the computer, you obviously think it is more important than me or your kids!”
  • Plan to be clear and stay in the present.  Do not use idle threats, name-calling or anything for which you might later have to apologize.
  • Try what is taught in 12 Step programs – I have never heard a better way.  The slogan is – Say what you mean, mean what you say, and don’t say it mean.

And best wishes to you – I dare you to try these little changes and see if it does not lighten your heart and improve your relationships and communication!

Take care of you!  Love and Light, Eve, AdvisorIsIn.com – click here for personal e-mail advice and Angel Reading – AdvisorIsIn.com/advice and angels.
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RELATIONSHIP ADVICE – MY BOYFRIEND MIGHT LEAVE ME

Client Question:  Dear AdvisorIsIn – I need help with my relationship.  I am worried that my younger, immature boyfriend might leave me because of his family, and everything he does is really upsetting me because of that situation and his irresponsibility.

Answer: One thing I can tell you – you are worthy and lovable. Do not make this relationship so important. Start planning for what you want to do with your own life – with or without him.

Start concentrating on you and how you can look and feel and be the best that you can. Find fun things to do, places to go and things to learn. Buy yourself a new outfit or get a manicure – instead of worrying about what he is doing.
Join something you like and participate. If you just turn your attention to yourself and become the best you can be – spend your time becoming the best, kindest, most fun person you can be – everything will work out.

  • Either he will make a decision to be with you and not let his relatives influence him – and he will love the independent you.
  • Or, if all your attention is not on him, he will drift away, because he is too immature for you –   And it will be OK – because you have made a great life, with or without him.

Client: Thank you for the encouraging words, I hope things turn out the way I would like them to be.

Answer:  Just remember – you cannot change anyone else to be who you want them to be.  They have free choice to stay just as they are.

But you are worthy of love and attention from someone that is totally loyal to you.  Give your boyfriend the freedom to meet your expectations.  If this young man cannot do that – you will hurt yourself by holding on to him. If you hold on – you won’t be able to find the man who will be there for you, all the way.

We have to let go of one thing – before we can hold something better. That can be scary, and can make you feel temporarily lost. Work on believing good things about you. Be strong on the inside for you and firmly take care of you – and be soft and kind on the outside.  You can try the free Mini-Meditation and also purchase a Mini-Meditation about Forgiveness at  AdvisorIsIn.com/Meditations

Ask your angels to give you a sign that you are loved and to let you know that you need to do what is right for you.  Take care of you and be the kind of person you would want to be with – and you will make a great life for yourself.   In additon, you will attract just the right kind of man for you. This man, or someone better for you.  You deserve it!

Your message from the angels is – You must take care of yourself and make sure you are doing what you really want to do – in all of your life. You are not responsible for your boyfriend. You are responsible for taking good care of you.

Love and Light, Eve, AdvisorIsIn.com – click here for personal e-mail advice and Angel Reading – AdvisorIsIn.com/advice and angels.

 

 

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